From the outside, especially in the world we live in now with social media, life can look and seem so perfect for so many.
Yet EVERYONE I know, no matter how perfect their life may seem from the outside, are fighting a battle of their own.
So what it is for me? What battle am I fighting living in Bali on the other side of the world in paradise you might ask? What could I be fighting? You see my photos in paradise, life is sweet right?
Everyone has a story…….
I want to take a moment to say that everyone has a story, everyone has a depth to the surface that you see, everyone has been on a journey that has taken them to this point in time.
With this in mind, before you jump to conclusions about anyone you see, before you make a judgement about what energy, words or love they deserve from you, take a moment to pause and understand everyone has a past that has moulded their present and those with the biggest smiles and the most giving positive energy have often also been through the most. When you do this you can stop judging and start loving.
Coming back to the UK
Coming back to the UK has been a very emotional time for me. It has been so amazing to see family and friends however coming back to the little single bedroom at my mums house that I stayed in when I was going through some of the hardest moments in my life has bought up so many emotions and I feel like I am reliving the pain I went through then, it has also bought up some very real and confronting feelings.
When I left the UK, I left so much behind, my family, my husband, my friends and everything that was familiar to me, every bit of love that I knew. I cannot deny for one moment that the journey I have been on up until now has been one of the bravest and the greatest I have taken…………it has also been the hardest.
Despite the sincere joy and love I have daily in my life now, the way I REALLY feel life now, the one thing I can struggle with sometimes is feeling alone, I reallly miss the love and connection of people who really love me.
Feeling alone or lonely is an interesting feeling, why? Because it can be good and bad depending on how you look at it and the perspective you choose. I understand I always have a choice in life, a choice to see or feel it in a good or bad way, but sometimes this feeling is one I can struggle with.
Since I set off on my travels there were so many times I was completely alone, and a number of these times I was scared and unwell. In the times when I was fearful or scared, I did stop and wonder what the hell I was doing, why I would leave and choose to put myself in this position.
Even though I considered on a few occassions retreating back into the safety and comfort of the rabbit hole that was home, I continued to push forward knowing it was the path for me, knowing this feeling of being alone was a fear. It was one I had to learn to love and embrace, it was a gift to me not something to be feared.
Since I left the UK I have been on a journey of so much self-love, self-reliance, self-compassion, and self-discipline.
I hold myself in higher regard than I ever have before, I know how damn strong I am, I love myself more than ever before and I have been through situations that have helped me understand more than ever that I do not need anyone else to do almost anything in this world.
It has made me so much more fearless and helped me understand why I was guided to a place like India to start my journey. To learn these lessons!
From getting overnight trains and buses across India for up to 17hours , to having to be operated on in dirty Indian hospitals, to being groped and followed through train stations and having to defend myself. I did it all, I did it all alone and lived to tell the tale.
I have learnt to love my own company on a completely different level, I have learnt through fearful and seriously challenging experiences that I only need me and yet……..there are still times when the feeling of not having loved ones close can be challenging rather than fulfilling.
The craving for love.
Being totally honest, I really miss the touch and the loving embrace of another who truly loves me. There is something about the touch of another that nourishes and fills you up in a way like no other. There is something about the loving embrace of someone who truly, deeply loves you that cannot be explained.
The beautiful thing I know now is that I am happy in my own company, that the feeling of being alone will pop up from time to time but I know now that is ok. I bravely chose the more difficult path, I chose the path I knew was meant for me and for that reason I know the right person will be delivered at exactly the right moment who is meant to share my loving embrace and who is meant to share this beautiful, magical life with me and I know that my family are with me in their soul and spirit in every moment.
So to anyone else out there who feels this sometimes, I want you to know that you are not alone, others feel the way you do and also the universe is supporting and guiding you every step of the way.
These times are blessings for us, the ones that push us further into the knowing that we are all we need and that all that is meant for us is coming. Keep daring greatly, keep following your intuition, keep feeling, really feeling for you are really living and many dare not venture on that path.
To find out more about how I got through this very difficult time in my life and how I cultivate love for life every day then enter your email below for first access to my free 3 part video series on writing with purpose below :).
So much love and light,
Han xxx