Many of you know that last year I went through some radical life changes, I made some big choices that meant my life would never be the same, I went from knowing what my life would look like to not knowing what my next day would look like. I left my husband, sold all my belongings and took off on a journey into the unknown and for a reason that I still to this day cannot explain I started my journey in Delhi. A city with the third largest population in the world and without a doubt one of the most challenging and scary cities I have ever been to.

I had never travelled alone before this experience apart from around Europe which you cannot compare to India. I cannot even begin to describe the experience in a few words but lets just say it was one of the most challenging of my life! As I stepped out of the airport I remember vividly the complete shock and fear I felt surge through my body as I I walked towards the sea of mens faces who were all shouting in my direction.

Delhi was a complete assault on the senses. I have never been anywhere like it in my life before! The noise, the rubbish, the chaos, the poverty, the smells, the traffic and the wildness of it, the people, particularly so many of the men who had no respect for women especially western women. Being followed by groups of men and having to try and lose them in train stations for fear of being robbed or worse, being touched, shouted at and just made to feel very uncomfortable. You have to grow a pair of big old balls pretty fast here and keep your wits about you at all times.

I remember taking my first tuk tuk ride through the city gripping the seat for dear life, as we swerved around the busy built up roads, completely in shock at the scenes unfolding around me, dodging cows, people lying in the streets, people having a shave on the side of the street and things I will not say happening on the side of the street. Not to mention driving on the wrong side of the road on numerous occasions, going the wrong way around roundabouts, there was no rules. I felt I was on edge the whole time.

I left Delhi and managed to make it solo around Rajasthan through Jaipur, Udaipur, Pushkar, on overnight buses, overnight trains, numerous crazy tuk tuk rides whizzing wildly through the streets and back to Delhi. Slowly but surely I was changing I was evolving, I was learning, I was releasing my grip of control on the situation because there was no control, you had to just let go and go with the flow.

“Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending in the wind.” Bruce Lee

When I got back to Delhi I got in a tuk tuk again like I did when I first arrived. In this moment I observed myself, it was a very different experience to my first. Something had changed……not the city, not the tuk tuk. I HAD CHANGED! Instead of feeling stressed and out of control, instead of clinging to the seat for dear life, I sat back relaxed and took in every unfolding moment around me, I was so present, I noticed the vibrant colours of everything around me, the women and their beautiful dresses, the scarfs draped over doorways, the buzzing activity of people and animals on the streets, the crazy coolness of this wacky, wild city…………It struck me, I HAD FOUND PEACE IN THE CHAOS and as I sat back cool and collected in the wild whizzing tuk tuk I breathed in this beautiful change in me.

This whole experience had a massive impact on me and my outlook, I knew something had changed in me. I had discovered this beautiful ability to slow down even in the most chaotic of scenes. Despite the crazy activity unfolding around me I was able to find peace, to stay present, to slow down my breath, my gaze and to find beauty in every moment, I felt serene, calm, at peace.

I felt serene, calm, at peace.

In this moment I realised how much power there was in finding this state, in achieving this state. I realised to have achieved this moment that I had evolved as a person. When I observe myself now, which I try to do often I see that I have slowed down in so many aspects of my life since I left the UK.

I speak more slowly, I move through life more slowly, I observe, I pause and consider the moments I am in more. When I look back on the person I was, I realise that I was running on a high, anxious energy before all the time. Now I feel like everything is in slow motion, like I stop and see the things unfolding around me in so much more detail. I literally stop and smell the flowers, or notice the colour of a leaf in so much detail, the butterfly dancing playfully around a tree, the smile of a child playing, a heron flying through the sky, numbers repeating in sequence throughout my day.

I now realise that even in the craziest, hardest, most challenging situations and times in our lives we can find our own peace and we can create our own serenity within ourselves. It is simply a choice.

I know that by finding peace in the chaos, or peace in more of my life, that I become more awake and more present. I believe I am able to see more and more magic and beauty unfolding in every moment. This life is so so precious and we need to realise it can be taken away in any moment, we are not invincible, we do not and cannot predict if and when and how long we have this human form so we must live it now.

I believe that by having more calm, more serenity, more presence, more self control in our lives we are able to see more clearly, speak more clearly, behave more clearly. Through calm serenity, almost all situations will unfold in a way that is most beneficial to you and the world around you.

“Self control is strength, right thought is mastery, calmness is power.” James Allen

This life is beautiful, magical, precious. When we have calm, self control and learn to direct and choose our thoughts rather than let them control us towards the life we want then we have so much power and it is available to us in every moment we just need to slow down enough to see.

We are the creators of our universe, the author of our book, the conductor of our orchestra and let us write and play what the world would want to see and slow down enough to see it. Let us not focus on the future all the past but sit in each moment, present, conscious and thoughtful. I am aware this is not always easy but like a muscle we can practice this and also understand that in every moment we have a choice.

Find you own peace in life, do not wait for life to provide it for you. Find peace in your chaos.

So so so much love and light,

Han.

xx